Since I was a kid, I've been feeling like one. Since I found out what it's like to be a girl, I've been acting like a kid, like a boy, like there's no tomorrow. Escaping from girlish labels, drinking like a man, gambling like a man, talking like a man, losing myself between lust and instant, ready to die for a moment. I was happy to believe that perfect days are not supposed to be perfect; that fairy tales are the lamest incentive to sacrifice; that luck is not for the lazy champs; that there's nothing to look for; that fate will find you no matter how hard you try to screw things up - it made my secret underworld a safer place. I've taken it all like the romantics would - I was never really sorry because, after all, my heart was indeed beating!... Maybe I'm meant to be one of Dostoievski's heroes, troubled and confused, incapable of succeeding in this world, even though I no longer drink, smoke or fall in love with strangers.The sad thing is that I may actually be doing quite well - for a girl.
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