Matemática

Entendeu? Não? Ah, então fica esperto e para de me encher o saco, uai! Eu, hein...

Matemática

Entendeu? Não? Ah, então fica esperto e para de me encher o saco, uai! Eu, hein...

HISTÓRIA DE UMA MESA DE BAR

Bebeu, acabou-se no vinho, tomou cachaça
E por fim mergulhou no escuro da fossa
Pensando na namorada
Que ainda não lhe havia feito nada
Mas que poderia, que pensaria
Em fazer tudo o que lhe doía mais
Só em pensar
E em todas as outras heresias e blasfêmias
Que em momento algum se imaginava.
Teve medo, os calafrios lhe ouriçaram os pêlos
Os dentes travaram de cólera
Enquanto fazia reflexões sobre seu grau
De envolvimento (como pode?)
E culpava a namorada
Por ela ser tão interessante,
Tão voluptuosa, tão cigana
E ainda não ter-lhe feito nada.
Tomou toda a cachaça da garrafa
E viu no fundo a viagem à praia,
Os balangandans e os querubins da casa nova,
As contas e inúmeras possibilidades;
Reclinou-se, tirou um cigarro do bolso
E achou que não era mais que obrigação
Pensar em como teria sido
Sua vida sem ela.

HISTÓRIA DE UMA MESA DE BAR

Bebeu, acabou-se no vinho, tomou cachaça
E por fim mergulhou no escuro da fossa
Pensando na namorada
Que ainda não lhe havia feito nada
Mas que poderia, que pensaria
Em fazer tudo o que lhe doía mais
Só em pensar
E em todas as outras heresias e blasfêmias
Que em momento algum se imaginava.
Teve medo, os calafrios lhe ouriçaram os pêlos
Os dentes travaram de cólera
Enquanto fazia reflexões sobre seu grau
De envolvimento (como pode?)
E culpava a namorada
Por ela ser tão interessante,
Tão voluptuosa, tão cigana
E ainda não ter-lhe feito nada.
Tomou toda a cachaça da garrafa
E viu no fundo a viagem à praia,
Os balangandans e os querubins da casa nova,
As contas e inúmeras possibilidades;
Reclinou-se, tirou um cigarro do bolso
E achou que não era mais que obrigação
Pensar em como teria sido
Sua vida sem ela.

OD

I

.

Hi. My name's Erin and I'm a junkie.

(pause)

Very well... would you like to talk about it?

What do you mean?

Would you like to mention the nature of your addiction?

Why not? I'm a love addict.

(laughter)

Sorry, but I can't help laughing myself! Do you mind being a bit more... specific?

You're such a wanker! I knew I shouldn't have...

Wait! Sorry, I didn't mean to... sorry, but you'll have to agree that it's at least unusual, right? Calm down, please go back to your seat.

(pause)

OK, go on. I'll try to follow.

.

II

.

I always thought I was different. Love has always made such a difference... I don't mean non-stop hugging and kissing, but real love - that energy. I was 7 or 8 when I first felt it. I used to steal stuff from my classmates at school, just for the fun of it. I would always return what I had stolen, on the same day, but the adrenaline of taking something without anybody noticing it was priceless! One day, obviously, I got caught, and the supervisor called my mom. On my way home all I could possibly think about was excuses. Loads of them, in all sizes and colours. Before I could say anything, however, my mom looked at me. Softly. Gently. Deeply. I'll never forget that look. "I'm sorry, I should have taught you that this is wrong. Whenever you want something, talk to me and we'll work it out". That was it. My whole body shivered. I felt so much light, so much energy, that it filled me like a drug. After this day, I just wanted to feel it again. Again. Again. I would do anything. I did all kinds of things to get it, to find it, to be exposed to it, to be filled up, warm, safe. I tried. Oh, yes, sir, for years and years I tried. The bad thing about it is that money won't do. You cannot go under the bridge and ask for a shot. I was desperate for some time, and even got to that point when you don't want the following days to unfold. Time went by; I found out that my body could give me what I wanted. I offered it to everybody I could and searched into my partners' vulnerability. Sometimes I even dared to ask, but I got no more than tiny drops pouring down on my face every now and then. That's what you get when you have no other way, no other choice. I was on the verge of threatening someone to love me, but before I did a nice fellow decided to come along, deliberately, absolutely out of nowhere... That's what you can call good times...

(pause)

(coffee & cigarettes)

Uh... excuse me, but what I don't understand is why you want to give it up then. I mean, being loved must feel quite nice, init? Specially for you, who has sought after it so desperately...

Every addiction is a curse, don't you know that? Besides, I've OD'ed.

(deep silence)

(sigh)

(cough)

OK... let's hear it.

Some other time.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe. I'd really like to tell you everything, because you're the only one who can help me.

(pause)

(cigarette)

Fair enough.

Tomorrow.

It's a deal.

.

III

.

Brand new day... shoot.

Where do I start?

The OD...

Oh, yes. There's not much to say.

I'm trying to picture it...

(cigarette)

Was it the nice fella?

No, somebody else.

How did it happen?

A hug.

(blank look)

(gasp)

(coffee spitting)

So what you're saying is that a guy hugged you and you OD'ed?

Exactly.

All right... Who was this guy?

Just somebody I knew. A friend.

(coffee sip)

I'm kidding. It was you.

(15-sec pause)

What the heck do you mean, it was me?

Exactly that.

And what's it like, to have a love OD?

Better than multiple orgasms.

How did you know...

Because the moment you hugged me, I couldn't hear or feel anything else. I didn't know where I was, I didn't see anyone. My body stopped obeying my commands. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

(quick pause)

Thanks for the way you made me feel with a single abraço.

Now I'm really confused... How in heavens can I help you then? Would you like me to hug you for the rest of your life? Or maybe we could go further and see what happens...

Actually, I was considering something even better - I'd like you to break my heart.

Wha...

C'mon, you've done it before... it's not that hard, is it? Even though I know you'll be lying.

Oh, really?

Yes. We both know the way you feel about me.

Is that so?

Yes. But it's pointless now, so I don't care: lie to me.

...

Lie to me and make me think it's true.

My God! You're insane! Are you out of your mind?

I'm getting married.

And now this...

I'm not kidding. I'm getting married.

(pause)

(shock)

Really?

Yes.

Wow... I didn't see it coming...

And...

What?

Well...

What can I say? I'm quite happy for you and your husband, and I wish you all the very best, my dear.

Thank you.

.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxERIN'S WINDOW IS CLOSED.xxxxxxxxxxxxx

OD

I

.

Hi. My name's Erin and I'm a junkie.

(pause)

Very well... would you like to talk about it?

What do you mean?

Would you like to mention the nature of your addiction?

Why not? I'm a love addict.

(laughter)

Sorry, but I can't help laughing myself! Do you mind being a bit more... specific?

You're such a wanker! I knew I shouldn't have...

Wait! Sorry, I didn't mean to... sorry, but you'll have to agree that it's at least unusual, right? Calm down, please go back to your seat.

(pause)

OK, go on. I'll try to follow.

.

II

.

I always thought I was different. Love has always made such a difference... I don't mean non-stop hugging and kissing, but real love - that energy. I was 7 or 8 when I first felt it. I used to steal stuff from my classmates at school, just for the fun of it. I would always return what I had stolen, on the same day, but the adrenaline of taking something without anybody noticing it was priceless! One day, obviously, I got caught, and the supervisor called my mom. On my way home all I could possibly think about was excuses. Loads of them, in all sizes and colours. Before I could say anything, however, my mom looked at me. Softly. Gently. Deeply. I'll never forget that look. "I'm sorry, I should have taught you that this is wrong. Whenever you want something, talk to me and we'll work it out". That was it. My whole body shivered. I felt so much light, so much energy, that it filled me like a drug. After this day, I just wanted to feel it again. Again. Again. I would do anything. I did all kinds of things to get it, to find it, to be exposed to it, to be filled up, warm, safe. I tried. Oh, yes, sir, for years and years I tried. The bad thing about it is that money won't do. You cannot go under the bridge and ask for a shot. I was desperate for some time, and even got to that point when you don't want the following days to unfold. Time went by; I found out that my body could give me what I wanted. I offered it to everybody I could and searched into my partners' vulnerability. Sometimes I even dared to ask, but I got no more than tiny drops pouring down on my face every now and then. That's what you get when you have no other way, no other choice. I was on the verge of threatening someone to love me, but before I did a nice fellow decided to come along, deliberately, absolutely out of nowhere... That's what you can call good times...

(pause)

(coffee & cigarettes)

Uh... excuse me, but what I don't understand is why you want to give it up then. I mean, being loved must feel quite nice, init? Specially for you, who has sought after it so desperately...

Every addiction is a curse, don't you know that? Besides, I've OD'ed.

(deep silence)

(sigh)

(cough)

OK... let's hear it.

Some other time.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe. I'd really like to tell you everything, because you're the only one who can help me.

(pause)

(cigarette)

Fair enough.

Tomorrow.

It's a deal.

.

III

.

Brand new day... shoot.

Where do I start?

The OD...

Oh, yes. There's not much to say.

I'm trying to picture it...

(cigarette)

Was it the nice fella?

No, somebody else.

How did it happen?

A hug.

(blank look)

(gasp)

(coffee spitting)

So what you're saying is that a guy hugged you and you OD'ed?

Exactly.

All right... Who was this guy?

Just somebody I knew. A friend.

(coffee sip)

I'm kidding. It was you.

(15-sec pause)

What the heck do you mean, it was me?

Exactly that.

And what's it like, to have a love OD?

Better than multiple orgasms.

How did you know...

Because the moment you hugged me, I couldn't hear or feel anything else. I didn't know where I was, I didn't see anyone. My body stopped obeying my commands. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

(quick pause)

Thanks for the way you made me feel with a single abraço.

Now I'm really confused... How in heavens can I help you then? Would you like me to hug you for the rest of your life? Or maybe we could go further and see what happens...

Actually, I was considering something even better - I'd like you to break my heart.

Wha...

C'mon, you've done it before... it's not that hard, is it? Even though I know you'll be lying.

Oh, really?

Yes. We both know the way you feel about me.

Is that so?

Yes. But it's pointless now, so I don't care: lie to me.

...

Lie to me and make me think it's true.

My God! You're insane! Are you out of your mind?

I'm getting married.

And now this...

I'm not kidding. I'm getting married.

(pause)

(shock)

Really?

Yes.

Wow... I didn't see it coming...

And...

What?

Well...

What can I say? I'm quite happy for you and your husband, and I wish you all the very best, my dear.

Thank you.

.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxERIN'S WINDOW IS CLOSED.xxxxxxxxxxxxx

We're gonna change the world

Convido você a mudar de comportamento. Vamos parar de reproduzir as atitudes alheias que não levam a nada? Não é fácil, mas é necessário. Eu, por exemplo, falo muito, muito mal, muitas vezes. Coisas que não fazem sentido, coisas das quais mais tarde me arrependo. Percebo que falo o que penso das pessoas sem que elas tenham a chance de mostrarem-se diferentes. Falo o que penso, e penso tão diferente a cada instante... Reprovo comportamentos e admiro valores, lado a lado. Todo mundo tem seu lado ruim, todo mundo tem seu lado bom. Eu enxergo os dois, e falo. Todo mundo tem seus defeitos, quase todos têm qualidades inegáveis - eu percebo. Aos poucos quem não me faz bem vai procurando seu rumo, sem choro nem vela: uma questão de qualidade de vida. E para acompanhar esse processo, que tal transformar um comentário ruim em um bom? Afinal, comentários ruins enchem o estômago de sapos pesados, trazem culpa. No final, as pessoas nunca são tão ruins quanto parecem (pelo menos boa parte delas). O problema é meu reflexo nem sempre apurado, às vezes sem nexo: o que eu reflito, eu devolvo. Indiferença, amor, alegria, rudeza. Tento na medida do possível devolver a falsidade; nem sempre consigo - é uma senhora virtude!... Então aí vai um convite: esqueçamos os confidentes que espalharam confidências, perdoemos aos fracos cuja verdade não tem vez, louvemos os amigos de aluguel pelos serviços prestados, ignoremos a quem não consegue querer-nos bem, porque querer bem aos outros é um dom. Vamos trocar um comentário ruim por um bom às segundas-feiras. Na terceira semana tente dobrar esse número e aumente um comentário a cada semana. Depois do quinto, passe pra terça. É um exercício, vamos tentar? Se não aguentar, beba leite... e comece de novo. Vou começar, você vem? Malhar a alma pode ser tão tentador quanto malhar o outro.